Paul Palmer, proud to be a pisces man

Have you ever thought about what you might do with a clean sheet of paper?

A while back, I was on a client visit, and one of our “tour guides” said something that sparked my interest. This organization is creating a new product line, and for the first time in their industry’s history, they are approaching this new product with “a clean sheet of paper.” In fact, they are approaching it from an entirely new perspective.

This one comment got me thinking: How many times have we gone about doing a job or a task the same way because “we always do it this way”? How many times, because of rushed time schedules or convenience, have we fallen into old patterns? While they may be tried and true, and one can have confidence in some process that we know works, what are we potentially giving up? What might we be missing?

The history books are riddled with people who have come up with new ways of looking at the status quo, and revolutionized industry. Henry Ford, commonly accredited with the assembly line, switched perspectives and simply moved the car and not the workers. And I’ll lay you odds, perhaps without knowing exactly what he was doing, Ford gave it up to his subconscious and reticular activating system to solve the challenge.

So, what do you have coming up that might benefit from “a clean sheet of paper”? Give your reticular activating system the goal of finding a new way to accomplish a challenge. You may find yourself doing something as simple as finding a different way home from work, looking up, and finding your own revolutionary new way of looking at the future.

Paul Palmer

If you knew then what you know now. What would you be doing differently now?

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If you are busier than you would like to be, but also less productive, then read on.

I have a question for you: How busy are you these days? Now, here’s another question: How productive are you? As most of us know, the two just aren’t the same. All too often, being busy may have nothing at all to do with the results we get and what we achieve.

We spend our days, often very long days, in a flurry of activity. But, when the day or week is over, we’re disappointed at the level of our accomplishment. Our disappointment creates stress and we push ourselves even harder to “get more done.” However, pushing hard isn’t the answer.

What is? Well, in my experience a sense of priorities based on a clear purpose and well-defined short- and long-term goals are what’s needed. The world is full of folks who are definitely in motion, but they’re not exactly sure where they’re going and they don’t know why, either. Maybe they get going so fast that they never take the time to figure it out. If that’s your situation, I strongly urge you to set aside some time for personal reflection, some values clarification and goal-setting.

There’s nothing like a strong sense of purpose based on clearly spelled out values to keep you moving. But more than that, it keeps you moving in the right direction. Without it, you can climb the ladder of success all right, but when you get to the top, you may find that it’s leaning against the wrong building!

Paul Palmer

Success comes when we work smarter not harder.

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What is a mentor? What is that mentors do? Can having a mentor help you succeed? Today we’re going to be answering these questions.

These days, there are many sophisticated tools available to help those who want to be successful. But one of the most valuable assets anyone can have is also one of the oldest. I’m talking about a mentor – someone who can help you learn the ropes, find your way around obstacles, and chart a course that will get you where you want to go.

Just about every successful person I’ve ever met, whether they are in business or one of the professions, sports, the arts, or any other field of endeavor, has had the benefit of at least one mentor. Very often, they’ve had many more than that.

Mentors are people who have achieved success themselves and want to pass along what they’ve learned to others. They don’t usually tell you what to do – that’s not their role – but they do help you weigh your options and think through decisions.

Paul Palmer

Who are you mentoring and who is mentoring you?

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Alternatives
Today, let’s talk about how important it is to have alternatives, and how our thoughts can keep important alternatives out of our reach.

How would you feel if only one candidate was running for president? What if, when you got sick, there was only one doctor you could see? You’d feel very uncomfortable, right? Because these are areas in which most of us are used to having alternatives.

When you have options and the opportunity to choose, you have power in your life. But sometimes we develop blind spots, or scotomas, and we lock-on to one idea, one way of looking at a problem or solution. This may be because we were raised to think a certain way, or because we prefer the security of the known to the uncertainty of the unknown. Now when we lock-on to one idea, or a singular way of doing things, we automatically lock-out other alternatives, and in the process, we rob ourselves of power.

The more alternatives you can see, the more power you have. It helps to expose yourself to different ideas and other points of view. There is no need to feel threatened by differences, because you are the final authority about what is best for you, whether it is treating an illness, dealing with a difficult relationship, or deciding on a career move.

Paul Palmer

Give yourself lots of options, and you increase your personal power.

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What happens when part of you wants to do one thing and part wants to do another, internal conflict.

When two desires of similar power come into conflict, a great deal of inner turmoil and stress can result. I was talking to a young, single mother recently, and she said “Lou, I want to go back to night school and get my degree, but I also want to spend as much time as possible with my kids while they’re little. I just don’t know what to do.”

Now, it’s not my role to solve her problem, and it wouldn’t help her if I did. For her own sense of efficacy and personal power, she needs to work this out herself. She needs to “own” and be accountable for her decision.

But here is something very important. Whatever she decides, she needs to commit to it as fully as possible, without regrets, for as long as it takes. If she decides to go to school and feels guilty and wishes she were home the whole time, she will make herself miserable and won’t do her kids any good, either. If she decides to stay home until her kids are older, and if she resents this and sees it as a “have-to,” her anger and bitterness will find their way to the surface one way or another. Everyone will lose this way, too.

Paul Palmer

Sometimes professional help is needed to sort out these dilemmas, but make sure it’s the kind that helps you discover your blind spots and empowers you to make your own decisions.

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Acknowledging Our Feelings

What happens when you feel an emotion but refuse to admit it? Maybe more than you think.

From the time we were children, most of us have been taught that it’s OK to express certain feelings but not others. We learned to hide emotions that made other people uncomfortable or that somehow put us in a less than favorable light. It was OK to feel grateful but not angry, OK to feel confident but not scared, OK to defer to our parents but not to question them, etc.

Sometimes we even learned to hide these unacceptable feelings from ourselves. We feel frightened of social contact, but deny it and pretend boredom. We feel hurt and rejected, but deny it and call it anger. We feel resentful of abusive behavior but deny it, and call it a successful relationship because we believe we need it to survive.

But unacknowledged feelings almost always cause trouble. We may be able to stuff them down inside temporarily, but they invariably find another escape route. Unacknowledged feelings will often manifest themselves in physical ways – in backaches, headaches, ulcers, or other more serious illnesses.

What were you taught about feelings as a child? Now that you’re older, perhaps you’d like to learn what others have to say. Try reading John Bradshaw on shame, or Martin Seligman on depression and optimism, or Harriet Lerner on anger, for starters. There is an abundance of treatises on the effects of suppressed anger. Then, make up your own mind.

Paul Palmer

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When you are learning something new, what helps you learn more easily and what interferes with the process? Today, let’s talk about learning styles.

There are different styles of almost everything you can do or buy, from playing a guitar to picking out a new car. But, did you know that there are also different styles of learning? Some folks are visual learners; they literally need to see relationships with their eyes before they can understand. Other people learn best when they can hear new ideas.

Some people like to think a problem through before they try to solve it, while others feel more comfortable with a trial and error approach. Some people, like me, like to see an overview of how what they’re doing fits into the big picture before it makes sense. Others feel just fine working on one isolated area of a larger project, as long as they understand how their particular part works.

You see, there is no one best way to learn or to teach. The best teachers adjust their styles to suit individual learners, and the best learners learn to make their needs known, or they set up circumstances that facilitate their own unique style. Remember, your child may not have the same learning style that you do, and two kids in the same family may learn equally well but by very different methods.

For best results, honor these differences. Find out all you can about your children’s learning styles, and refrain from trying to force square-peg-learners into round-hole-experiences. You’ll both be happier. And you might just learn something new about yourself.

Paul Palmer

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How would you describe your own character? What do we mean when we use that particular word? Historically the term character was often used when referring to someone you know.

If I were to describe someone to you by saying he or she has a fine character, would you know what I mean? My guess is that you would. You’d probably understand that I was talking about moral or ethical strength – what some people call integrity.

But how do you know when someone – even yourself – has good character? Well, for one thing, you can see the evidence. Character is revealed in our actions, in the values that we live by. It begins building in early life, in our family. If we are loved and accepted, if we are consistently treated with respect, we grow up free from the burden of trying to prove our worth, free to develop integrity of character. Schools, churches and workplaces can help build character too – positively or negatively.

I firmly believe, as do many others, that people also shape their own character. If you would like to do this in a more conscious way, you can start by asking yourself: “What are some qualities I value?” Do they include honesty, compassion, discipline, perseverance, kindness, courage, forgiveness, and enthusiasm? I know you will think of others, as well. Now, what are some actions you could take which would demonstrate those qualities? What could you do to build these qualities into your own character, so that behaving in these ways becomes second nature?

Paul Palmer

Character could be defined as, “who you are when no one is looking.”

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How creative are you? If your answer is, “Not very,” don’t be so sure. Let’s knock the mystique out of creativity today.

I was visiting some friends recently, and we were sitting around the table talking about creativity. At one point, the woman whose home we were in shook her head and said, “When they handed out the creativity, I guess I was out to lunch. I’m just not very creative.”

Now all around me was evidence to the contrary. We had just finished a delicious meal she had created. The food was both nutritious and appealing to the eye. Her home was a picture of warm colors and casual comfort, a welcome haven. Everywhere you looked, there were small touches that spoke of her attention to detail, her love of harmony, and her creative spirit. But because she hadn’t dazzled the worlds of music or art, she couldn’t see her own creative genius.

You know, being creative just means bringing something new into the world. It could be an object or an idea, simple or complex, as long-lasting as the Taj Mahal or as transient as a sandcastle.

One of the world’s most creative thinkers, Albert Einstein, once said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” So if you want to be more creative, exercise your imagination as you might exercise your dog. Take it out for a good run every day. Let it off the leash and see where it goes. Practice “What if” thinking and break up your routines.

Paul Palmer

Affirm your creative spirit, and watch it bloom!

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Do you have any boring activities you have to do? What is a sure-fire sign that an activity, and it doesn’t matter what it is, is going to be boring?

You can be sure that an activity is going to be boring, if the person who is doing it is bored. Now this may sound perfectly obvious – but let me tell you a bit more about what I mean.

When I was in college, I took a class in Shakespeare that I enjoyed a great deal. One day, when we were discussing King Lear in class, one of the students made the comment that he thought our textbook, “The Complete Works of Shakespeare,” was boring. Well! The professor drew himself up to his full five feet six inches and said something I have never forgotten. “Young man,” he said, “there are boring books and then there are bored readers reading fascinating books. I am afraid you are one of the latter.”

I believe boredom is a subtle form of negative thinking. I’ve heard it defined as hostility without enthusiasm. It often contains elements of fear or anger, or both.

So when you find yourself feeling bored, ask yourself if there is something you are anxious or angry about. Look beneath the surface and see what is draining your enthusiasm, what you are resisting. Boredom can be a signal that you may be just a step away from doing some real growing.

Paul Palmer

Remember: boredom, like beauty, is strictly in the eye of the beholder.

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