Paul Palmer, proud to be a pisces man

The family is the main place where we develop our self-esteem. It can also be a place where self-esteem withers. I intentionally act in a way that builds self esteem when family palmer get together, letting my kids help me makes them feel good. I can see the benefits in their attitudes and behaviour.

Virginia Satir was a family therapist who influenced and touched people all over the world. She was a pioneer in the study of self-esteem, and had this to say about families: “Feelings of worth flourish in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible – the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”

But if you grew up in a family where one or both parents were abusive, where there were unresolved mental health problems, or where alcohol or drugs were an issue, you know that family life can be very different from this description. In fact, it can be downright damaging.

Perhaps, now it’s time for you to take on a parenting role, and maybe you’re wondering if you can break the cycle. Or maybe you’ve been a parent for a while and realize you could be doing a better job of it. Whatever your situation, you’ll benefit from taking an honest look at your strengths and limitations.

You see, when you acknowledge and accept the past, reach out for new understanding (as you’re doing now), and then decide you’d like to raise your kids in a better way, you are breaking the cycle. And you are building your own self-esteem – the first step in helping your own kids to do well.

Paul Palmer

My wife and I split up some time ago, the boys no longer accept her abusive behaviour when they see here. I resisted breaking up the family palmer for four years now I wish it had happened years earlier.

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Did you know that you have a built-in screening device that either admits or blocks information?

The human nervous system contains a marvelous network of cells called the Reticular Activating System, its function is to screen out unimportant information that comes to you through your senses.

A mother with a new baby in the next room will sleep through jet planes screaming overhead, but she’ll wake in an instant if that baby starts to cry. The airplane is louder, but not important, so it doesn’t get through because her reticular activating system keeps it out. Only information that is important – valuable or threatening – gets through.

Now when you set a goal, you declare a new significance – you make something important. And suddenly, information that never got through before is all around you. Did you ever decide to buy something – maybe a new HD television – and the next day all you see are advertisements for HD TV’s? They were there all along, but now they’re important to you, so you notice them. One of my daughters told me that she never realized how many pregnant women there were until she became pregnant, and suddenly they were everywhere.

So when you set a goal and declare its importance, you’ll find yourself noticing opportunities to help you achieve it that you never knew were there before. Try it. I think you’ll be surprised at how efficiently your reticular activating system works.

Paul Palmer

Think about what you miss, are you screening out something important?

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This year I decided it was time for the family palmer to start taking more vitamins. It’s hard to constantly focus every day as a single parent to plan meals to get the balance right.

I joined the Vemma programme initially to learn about the business opportunity, however this soon changed. The first product we tried was Verve, it has a healthy balance of vitamins and minerals with the added natural constituents of Vemma. The difference though is the energy formula as a carbonated drink in a can.

Our verve experience has been very excellent right from day one. My eldest son is 14 years old. He likes staying up late watching films and playing games. In the morning it takes some time to gain enthusiasm.

However on his first day at school with Verve his teacher noticed a difference during the first class of the day. He was much more alert and responding to classroom tasks quicker than his teacher could keep up.

The contrast was so much that his teacher noticed the difference and asked why. Physiologically the results do make sense. I’m a biologist by trade and know the brain needs glucose to function efficiently so I believe the positive effects of Verve with it’s antioxidant properties, balanced nutrition and high energy formula are responsible for the positive results.

School is out for summer now so I will continue the “experiment” in September. I have seen the difference in my 12 year old as well though, both had higher energy levels and improved performance.

It’s like giving my family palmer a jump start in the morning, so we get more out of the whole day.

Paul Palmer

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Watch the language you use in your own head. When you maintain a positive outlook you can let your life speak for you.

You have heard about “self-talk” – that conversation that each of us has with ourselves, all the time. It is one of the core concepts in mastering your future. In fact, self-talk provides the catalyst for hardening the concrete (our beliefs) that forms the foundation upon which we build our lives.

Now, when adversity strikes, no matter what form that adversity takes, if you can, take a moment and really listen to the words you use to describe the situation. Are you talking about what you can’t do, or what you can do? Are you talking about the finality of the situation, or the possibilities for turning it around?

What I’m really asking you is this: Are you positive or negative in your approach to your future? Most of us don’t really listen to the words we use, but we should. We choose words out of habit, sometimes, more than intent. The words we use cause pictures in our minds, and those pictures are flooded with what we are feeling. And these feelings color our moods, our relationships with those around us – well, everything.

When adversity hits – whether it is a massive oil spill, a job loss, a loved one diagnosed with a disease, or something as everyday has a traffic jam – stop, if you can, and listen to what you are saying, either out loud or to yourself. Is this conversation making things worse, or is it making things better?

Paul Palmer

Remember, you do have a choice.

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Do you ever feel like events in your life have gotten out of control?

No matter how diligently you set goals, visualize results, and affirm a positive outcome, every once in a while your life is going to feel as if it’s gone a little crazy. Carefully laid plans go up in smoke – sometimes quite literally. People you counted on, bail out on you. A health or family crisis strikes. An earthquake, hurricane or tornado puts you back to square one. Suddenly you feel as if you’re completely off course, out of control, and lost at sea.

At times like this, there are a few things it may help you to remember. First of all, no one can control every aspect of his or her life, and adversity comes to all of us, no matter how moral we are, and no matter how good our attitude is. Bad things happen to good people all the time.

Second, it’s important to realize that there is one, and only one, thing in life that is completely within your power to control, and that is your response to what happens to you. When you find yourself overcome with feelings of fear, helplessness, doom and gloom, you can put the brakes on these feelings by gently but firmly choosing to shift the focus of the thoughts that are running through your mind.

Your feelings are a direct result of the thoughts you think, and setting aside some time every morning and evening for positive visualization, affirmation, or guided meditation is a highly effective way of getting these thoughts back under your control again.

Paul Palmer

Try it. I think you’ll be surprised at just how well it works.

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What do you expect from your kids? How do you communicate your expectations to them? Today, let’s talk about what’s reasonable and what’s not.

All parents expect certain things from their children. But expectations that are too high, too low, or never clearly expressed can cause trouble. Having expectations that are too high promotes failure rather than success, and leads to an enormous amount of stress for both you and your kids.

On the other hand, expectations that are too low can lead to failure, too, because they don’t help your children to stretch their capacities and develop a sense of competence and resiliency. Most important of all, I believe, make sure you talk to your kids about your expectations and spell them out as clearly as possible.

If you expect them to clean their room once a week, make sure they understand exactly what “clean” means and which day of the week they have to have it done by. At the same time, tailor your expectations so that they’re realistic and appropriate to that particular child at that particular stage of their development.

What’s right for one doesn’t necessarily fit another and what was reasonable ten years ago may no longer make much sense. By the way, if you expect your kids to share certain values you cherish – such as honesty, confidence, and dependability – make sure you serve as a good role model. Even when they may not seem to be listening to what you say, you can bet they’re paying close attention to what you do.

Paul Palmer

You can lead your team to a better future.

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Have you ever thought about what you might do with a clean sheet of paper?

A while back, I was on a client visit, and one of our “tour guides” said something that sparked my interest. This organization is creating a new product line, and for the first time in their industry’s history, they are approaching this new product with “a clean sheet of paper.” In fact, they are approaching it from an entirely new perspective.

This one comment got me thinking: How many times have we gone about doing a job or a task the same way because “we always do it this way”? How many times, because of rushed time schedules or convenience, have we fallen into old patterns? While they may be tried and true, and one can have confidence in some process that we know works, what are we potentially giving up? What might we be missing?

The history books are riddled with people who have come up with new ways of looking at the status quo, and revolutionized industry. Henry Ford, commonly accredited with the assembly line, switched perspectives and simply moved the car and not the workers. And I’ll lay you odds, perhaps without knowing exactly what he was doing, Ford gave it up to his subconscious and reticular activating system to solve the challenge.

So, what do you have coming up that might benefit from “a clean sheet of paper”? Give your reticular activating system the goal of finding a new way to accomplish a challenge. You may find yourself doing something as simple as finding a different way home from work, looking up, and finding your own revolutionary new way of looking at the future.

Paul Palmer

If you knew then what you know now. What would you be doing differently now?

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What is a mentor? What is that mentors do? Can having a mentor help you succeed? Today we’re going to be answering these questions.

These days, there are many sophisticated tools available to help those who want to be successful. But one of the most valuable assets anyone can have is also one of the oldest. I’m talking about a mentor – someone who can help you learn the ropes, find your way around obstacles, and chart a course that will get you where you want to go.

Just about every successful person I’ve ever met, whether they are in business or one of the professions, sports, the arts, or any other field of endeavor, has had the benefit of at least one mentor. Very often, they’ve had many more than that.

Mentors are people who have achieved success themselves and want to pass along what they’ve learned to others. They don’t usually tell you what to do – that’s not their role – but they do help you weigh your options and think through decisions.

Paul Palmer

Who are you mentoring and who is mentoring you?

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Alternatives
Today, let’s talk about how important it is to have alternatives, and how our thoughts can keep important alternatives out of our reach.

How would you feel if only one candidate was running for president? What if, when you got sick, there was only one doctor you could see? You’d feel very uncomfortable, right? Because these are areas in which most of us are used to having alternatives.

When you have options and the opportunity to choose, you have power in your life. But sometimes we develop blind spots, or scotomas, and we lock-on to one idea, one way of looking at a problem or solution. This may be because we were raised to think a certain way, or because we prefer the security of the known to the uncertainty of the unknown. Now when we lock-on to one idea, or a singular way of doing things, we automatically lock-out other alternatives, and in the process, we rob ourselves of power.

The more alternatives you can see, the more power you have. It helps to expose yourself to different ideas and other points of view. There is no need to feel threatened by differences, because you are the final authority about what is best for you, whether it is treating an illness, dealing with a difficult relationship, or deciding on a career move.

Paul Palmer

Give yourself lots of options, and you increase your personal power.

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What happens when part of you wants to do one thing and part wants to do another, internal conflict.

When two desires of similar power come into conflict, a great deal of inner turmoil and stress can result. I was talking to a young, single mother recently, and she said “Lou, I want to go back to night school and get my degree, but I also want to spend as much time as possible with my kids while they’re little. I just don’t know what to do.”

Now, it’s not my role to solve her problem, and it wouldn’t help her if I did. For her own sense of efficacy and personal power, she needs to work this out herself. She needs to “own” and be accountable for her decision.

But here is something very important. Whatever she decides, she needs to commit to it as fully as possible, without regrets, for as long as it takes. If she decides to go to school and feels guilty and wishes she were home the whole time, she will make herself miserable and won’t do her kids any good, either. If she decides to stay home until her kids are older, and if she resents this and sees it as a “have-to,” her anger and bitterness will find their way to the surface one way or another. Everyone will lose this way, too.

Paul Palmer

Sometimes professional help is needed to sort out these dilemmas, but make sure it’s the kind that helps you discover your blind spots and empowers you to make your own decisions.

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