Fighting yourself, internal conflict
What happens when part of you wants to do one thing and part wants to do another, internal conflict.
When two desires of similar power come into conflict, a great deal of inner turmoil and stress can result. I was talking to a young, single mother recently, and she said “Lou, I want to go back to night school and get my degree, but I also want to spend as much time as possible with my kids while they’re little. I just don’t know what to do.”
Now, it’s not my role to solve her problem, and it wouldn’t help her if I did. For her own sense of efficacy and personal power, she needs to work this out herself. She needs to “own” and be accountable for her decision.
But here is something very important. Whatever she decides, she needs to commit to it as fully as possible, without regrets, for as long as it takes. If she decides to go to school and feels guilty and wishes she were home the whole time, she will make herself miserable and won’t do her kids any good, either. If she decides to stay home until her kids are older, and if she resents this and sees it as a “have-to,” her anger and bitterness will find their way to the surface one way or another. Everyone will lose this way, too.
Sometimes professional help is needed to sort out these dilemmas, but make sure it’s the kind that helps you discover your blind spots and empowers you to make your own decisions.