Whose Life Are You Living? Why you may be living someone else’s life and how you can take back what’s yours
On most days, do you feel energetic, enthusiastic, and satisfied
with your life? If not, perhaps it’s because you’ve given up
control of your life to others. Many of us give up
accountability for our lives, depending on others for our
information, advice, and decisions. Each life is unique. Each
life belongs only to one person-we normally realize that fact,
but still often give up accountability to others. Sometimes it’s
easier that way, though less satisfying.
It’s not surprising that this occurs so frequently. In our early
years, we look outside of ourselves for everything we require.
As young children, we are totally dependent on parents or
caregivers for our very lives. They feed, clothe, and shelter
us. We remain alive and secure only to the degree they continue
to provide for our needs. Later, our parents teach us the rules
of childhood living-the do’s and don’ts of every aspect of life
in their home.
We go to school and learn the three R’s, as well as cultural
norms for getting along in classroom and playground. Perhaps we
have religious training, providing the rules of God according to
the religion of our parents. Again, all selected for us. It’s
not until our teens that we begin to question; then we question
everything, to the dismay of so many parents. But then we also
learn a new set of rules-staying in the good graces, if not
being popular, among our peers. We enter sports, hobbies, band,
music, dance, and many other activities, each with an adult
teaching us.
Late teens, perhaps early twenties, and we’re now adults,
perhaps even parents ourselves. Are we still looking to others
for the rules of life? Perhaps, and it shouldn’t surprise us,
for now newspapers, magazines, movies, and certainly TV all
bombard us with their views of life, often describing views of
life bearing little resemblance to real life itself. So-called
reality shows are a prime example. Depicted as real life, these
shows are tightly scripted and managed for optimum viewer
attraction.
Are you living the life of your dreams, or the life someone else
has dreamed for you? Or perhaps you feel that life happens to
you, that you are the recipient, with your only control being
your ability to choose how to react
It may be helpful to think of life as a play, someone writes the
script, someone directs the actors, and someone plays the
starring role. Thinking of your life, put names to each of
these: scriptwriter, director, and star. Did you put your name
down three times? To feel fully alive and have a chance at a
fulfilling and satisfying life, we must recognize that we are
all three; scriptwriter, director, and star. We are living the
life we scripted, even if we took on the script of someone
else’s life. It was still our decision to do so.
If you’re a person who hasn’t been fully in charge of your life,
you might be feeling discouraged about now, but the awareness
that you’ve been giving up control of your life can be the
beginning of an exciting new journey into self development. Can
you recall the day-dreams you had as a child? Do you remember
the excitement and wonder you felt at seeing yourself in your
day-dream future? The enthusiasm you felt for life when you were
eight years old can be yours again at twenty eight, thirty
eight, or fifty eight. Life is exciting, a wonderful
adventure-but only when it’s your life.
If your life now seems a boring, unsatisfying, and humdrum day
to day existence, why not start writing a new story? Just for
the fun of it, take out a piece of blank paper and put this at
the top: My New Life Story. But before you start writing
anything, do this. Remember the story of Aladdin’s Lamp? Aladdin
found a magic lamp and when he rubbed it a genie appeared
granting him three wishes. Well, you’ve just found your magic
lamp. Rub it and see the genie appear, granting you the power to
wish anything for your life that you desire.
Now go back to your piece of paper with My New Life Story at the
top, and start writing. Write the next chapter of your life.
Describe the star of your story in great detail. The star is
you. How do you feel? What do you do? Who are you with? Does
this new story excite you? Does it feel more like the real you?
Don’t answer these questions with your head; your heart will
tell you the truth. You’ll know deep inside if what you’ve
written is the right path for you. It may be scary to think
about, but if it feels right then it is right.
At this point, perhaps your initial excitement starts to wane
and you’ve put down your pen in frustration, discouraged and
thinking that this just isn’t practical; it’s unrealistic, just
another day-dream. This is your ego protecting the status quo.
Change is hard, and it can be frightening, but dreams do come
true.
Scientists know that people who visualize their goals in great
detail and with strong emotion, generally achieve those goals.
You, too, can change your life, though not instantly as in the
Aladdin story. Even though it will take some time, energy, and
courage to change, taking control of your life can be very
satisfying in itself. Just knowing that you are in charge,
responsible and accountable for your life can bring new
satisfaction and fulfillment to each day. Life’s difficulties
and challenges can become more manageable, seen more as
temporary obstacles than permanent blocks.
Once you decide to take back control of your life you’ll
probably find yourself picking up books, magazines and internet
sites that provide self improvement advice. Read as much as you
can. Try on suggestions for improvement. If they seem to fit
keep them, if not discard them. Your path of growth is unique,
just as you are unique.
This article was originally published by and appeared at
Suite101.com, where I am a contributing editor. Find additional
self-empowerment articles and participate in discussions at
http://www.Suite101.com/Welcome.cfm/9822.
Jerry Lopper
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