Self blame
Self blame
There is no better way to assure an ample supply of pain in your life than the destructive habit of self-blame.
Unreasonable expectations and self-blame can make our lives miserable. For example, how often do you hear yourself say something like, “I left the car lights on. How could I be so stupid?” Or, “I really put my foot in it that time. I guess I’ll never learn.”
Sound familiar? Self-blaming statements like these are commonplace for far too many of us. Now, there is nothing the matter with the first part of these statements. They are just simple facts. But it is the second part, the judgmental blast, that keeps us feeling miserable.
What if we get rid of the judgments and substitute something more positive? For example, “I left the car lights on. What an inconvenience! The next time I’ll be more careful.” Or, “I really put my foot in it this time. That is not like me. Next time, I will handle it another way,” and then you define that way.
See the difference? You’re acknowledging that your behavior could stand changing, but you are also recognizing your competence and stating a clear intention for the future. Even better, you should be creating a new “picture” of what you will do “the next time.”
So, instead of judging, why not allow yourself to make mistakes without making a big deal over it. Then, give yourself a positive goal to shoot for. Your self-esteem will grow as a result, not to mention your effectiveness.